God Uses The Puddles

Would she really trade me for ice cream and candy? On the way home from my meeting, I stew--the warm, tasty kind. My girl ... she was just a little too excited for me to depart from home today. "When are you leaving, Mom?" she'd asked with a smile.

I pull into the garage. My girls step out of the house, waiting to hug me. My focus locks onto my youngest. "You are in so much trouble," I say. I head toward her. She laughs, crouching into the wall. "You wanted me to go." I tickle her. The veins on her neck pop out, like always, through her belly laugh.

Don't ever want me to go, baby girl. 

"Let's go jump in the puddle down the road," I say. The girls slip on their rain boots, I grab my camera, and we trek down the road. The marshy ground boasts hoof prints and foot prints. The sky recently released loads of rain on us. A once empty bucket under a tree now holds over ten inches of water. Such a novelty for dry, Texas land.

We pass our neighbor's home that burned completely to the ground two years ago. Rebuilt. Loss, but brand new. Oh, how we needed a downpour that night. Many of our neighbors' front yards resemble ponds now. Even lakes. Water threatens their doorsteps.

"Have you decided what you want to do for your birthday?" I ask the youngest. We pour over a few ideas as we reach our destination, still lacking vision.

"Let me go a little farther, so I'll capture the prettiest scenery behind you." As I turn around, the girls step out into the water that covers the road. They touch it, really feel it. They stand there across from each other, smiling.
Don't ever lose these moments, I want to say, reflecting over the past. Hold on. You've shared so many amazing years together. Don't trade them for anything. Always be there for each other, no matter how old you get. You're sisters, not by birth but by your worth. God loved you so much, that He had a plan for your lives. After He knit you together, He placed you together.

Oldest one is already soaring in the air. I watch that youngest one. She crouches.
My baby turns eighteen this month. Eighteen.

I bend to the ground, trying to capture their moment. My moment.

At 13 months old, I didn't know if my youngest would make it. Tears poured from my heart on her 2nd birthday, because she'd made it. Cancer crushes. Disease destroys. We've waded through so many puddles along the way. We've tripped and fallen into the puddles because chemo weakens the ankles of a small child. We've wandered in the puddle of how to stop holding hands, when attachment keeps you from falling but you've outgrown it now. We've muddled through the puddle of fear, fear that another puddle is looming up ahead, threatening. So much personal loss ...

But brand new. Stronger. Closer.

In that bent position, her once thinned hair is long and flowing, curly, healthy, bouncing in the breeze.

I don't want you to go, but I know you will. Oh, how blessed I've been.

She soars.
And when you soar, baby girl, you leave all those puddles behind. And I'll stay right here and watch you, for as long as I can. While you're still in sight. And when you land, because we always tend to land, we stomp them. We make a splash--on ourselves and others. The clean, pure kind--brand new--so welcoming to a land of drought. Because nothing is wasted, young one. Touch it, really feel it.

God uses the puddles.

Happy 18th birthday, Katelyn Grace Littleton

My Little Girls Are All Grown Up

It's going to happen. Everyone thinks it will finally come down, it'll finally snow.

Oh, I hope my #1 daughter's university cancels classes. Because at the end of her busy break, I just need a break. I need one more day with her. One more day to hold her close and never let go. One more day to put the phone down, put the TV remote down. One more day to focus on my true loves.

"Mommy ...!" she shouts, running to me.

Lo and behold, her university canceled classes. I jump for joy and clap my hands. I get one more day with her, with absolutely nothing demanding of us.
And after a little so-called dusting of snow, or ice, commences--beautiful, pure change over the horizon--#2 brings me her writing assignment, asking me to look at it. Taking the treasured pages in my hands, I read:

Ever since I was little, I always dreamed of becoming a veterinarian. I even wanted to be an animal myself for years, because I thought they were so cool.

I laugh out loud. She goes on to explain how she had wanted to be a vet, but seeing an animal surgery made her weak, nauseated, pale. A change of plans. She had to sit down, in another area. The vet's cat came over and loved on her. The doctor gave her a chance to rest, regain her composure, and she returned to the surgery room. But at the sight of surgery, she continues to say--

I started slumping down the wall I was leaning against.
I returned to the chair with the cat.

I laugh again. Yes, my daughter wrote those words. The words that would begin her very first college English paper.

Did you get that? Her first college paper. My baby. Because while I was wishing for one more day with my #1, I had no idea that two days later I'd step foot out without #2. Both my babies are in college. Both. #2 hasn't even seen the end of her senior year yet. I kick the ground. I know this isn't anything new for most, but as a home-school mom, I'd anticipated a few more months with my #2 before she started college. Like next fall. But the door flew wide open, and somehow we tumbled right in.

Hugs and "mmmmm ... smack." I watch them head out the garage door. They're weighed down with full backpacks. Their first day together without me. Because the first two days, I trailed along. I did. I had lunch with them and everything. It was glorious. But that's it. No more. I've got to grow up, too.

Shivering, I slump against my car, leaving my imprint in the dust and watching them get situated in the car.
Words from yesteryear peek over my shoulder--

"Why does she pucker her lips like that?" he asked. "Monkey kisses." He laughed.

"I don't know," I said.

I turned to my daughter. "Goodnight, baby. Give me kisses." I leaned in. I puckered. She puckered. Big puckers. "mmmmm ... smack!" 

Realization dawned and laughter tumbled out of me, causing me to collapse onto the bed beside her. It's me. All me. I taught her that. I taught her the big pucker. The cutest monkey kisses.

Oh my goodness. The things I've taught them. The things I haven't. Have I taught them enough? Have I left the right impressions on their lives, on their hearts? Will they be okay? Will I be okay?

The car inches forward, not waiting for the answer. All routine for #1. And now routine for #2. Could you just wait till I figure out the answer? Till I figure out this whole thing? The car stops, and they wave and blow kisses. The car can't proceed without kisses. The sweetest monkey kind. I return it all, with all my heart and some. Onto the hand and thrown across the air, like my grandmother taught me. To #1 and now #2. I catch mine and they catch theirs. We prolong the waves and kisses for just a little longer, ensuring we see each other. Not wanting to miss a single thing. Like we could.

The car accelerates down the driveway, leaves kicking up behind it, and proceeds down our Texas county road. When they are out of sight, I push the button and shut the garage--the full weight bearing down and crashing to the ground--as a chapter in our lives unexpectedly ends and another beautifully begins.

I go sit with the cats.

---

What chapters are ending or beginning in your life? May I pray for you? 

A Lady Still Longs For A Gentleman

"What do you think about a gentleman?" I ask.

Her eyes shine, a smile inching across her face, and she gathers her knees to her chest. "I love when Harry rises when Ginny walks into the room."

---

Dear Daughter ...

When many say that in our day chivalry is no longer demanded, wanting not your heart to believe the lies, I'll be a little more candid.

When searching for the qualities to seek in this modern age, Daughter, let's open wide the Bible and respectfully turn the page.

When you are weak, needing strength, and struggling to see this thing thru, He will take your lifeless body and breathe life back into you.

When you're feeling abandoned, lost, not knowing what to do, He'll offer you his hand, giving counseling and guidance, too.

When past mistakes try to compress the air from the weighted chest, He'll cast them all away, as far as the east is from the west.

When bad choices seem to define you in all the perceived land, He'll push back your attackers, drawing a firm line into the sand.

When your simple, best attempts somehow seem to become divine, it's because he'll turn the humble water into the choicest wine.

When needs are short, supplies are few, and takers come in droves, He'll take the little you possess and multiply the loaves.

When your downcast face reveals the painful details of your day, He'll listen to your earnest heart, hearing every word you say.

When you're dying inside, a harmful action could surely kill, He'll sooth your heart with gentle words; His loving touch will heal.

When you are blinded by the enemy's daily, constant lies, The Gentleman's hand will grace your face and open wide your eyes.

When at the end of all your self, conviction jabbing like a knife, He'll give you hope anew that day by laying down his life.

Oh, Daughter ...

When you feel confused, Dear One, you needn't wonder any more; simply knock, and He will answer, opening every door.

When He treats with favor, rising with your entry to a room, know these are the gracious actions of a gentle, treasured groom.

When you hear the world's many false complaints against the God-made plan, Daughter, fix your eyes and take the strong hand of the Gentle Man.

©shelli littleton

"God created man in his own image ..." --Genesis 1:27

---

I've heard men say that some women won't let them open the door for them. Unreal. I want my daughters to value those kind actions ... to seek that gentleness and respect, because there are ladies who still treasure those actions. What do you want young people to know?

He Gave Me A Dr Pepper

When someone gives to me, I yearn to give in return. My heart is still melting into a little pool of mama love over my youngest daughter leaving a letter for me several weeks ago out in the mailbox that borders our property walking trail.

The fragrance of chocolate wafts through the Valentine aisle as I select the perfect little heart box. And what are these? Tiny ceramic type decorations to stake into a potted plant. Mushrooms, squirrels, gnomes. Bright and colorful, except for the squirrel. I know ... I'll place these along the trail. Daughter's been out walking every day. I'll surprise her.

The girls are gone. Finally. I race outside, insert the little heart box into the mailbox, sprinkle the ceramic decorations along the trail. It's time to wait.

I'm not a good waiter. Do you remember that my daughter waited 6 weeks for me to notice her letter? Whatever she has, I don't.

We return home from church. "You going walking today, daughter?" I try to hide my smile.

"Why?" She sees right through me. Blast.

The door closes, and I can't wait to hear from her. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Did you see anything?" I text her.

She texts back an attachment picture of her hand, holding a broken piece of glass. Oh, my word. Am I going to have to show her?

She texts me back. She found the heart box. "Is this for me?" Yep. She's walking the trail, but she's still not opened her eyes to what I've left her.

Sometimes one has to search a little deeper for treasure.

I race out, uniting with younger daughter. Our steps join in the same direction. "Keep your eyes open," I say. I'm mentally trying to identify just exactly what makes the heart worthy and open to receive from others, to uncover buried treasure.

Find Someone To Love

We come across the little gnome. She smiles while giving me that mom-you-are-ridiculous look.

I laugh, a proud-mama moment.

My oldest 18-year-old daughter's words surface in my memory. "Do you remember Evan, Mom?"

"No."

"I used to buy Evan a Dr. Pepper on Wednesday nights at church."

The Conditions Need To Be Just Right

Proceeding, the younger and I stumble across the mushrooms that I'd inserted into the soft soil. Both of them. One red. One blue.

"I touched it earlier. I thought it was real. It felt real."

We laugh. Another proud-mama moment.

Older daughter's voice floods my heart again—"I've worked with Evan at church since he was in kindergarten."

Don't Miss The Blessing

We reach the final one .... She searches all around, but she still can't see it. I bend down and brush my fingertips over the tiny squirrel holding a treasured acorn.

I recall older daughter's final words. "Mom, Evan's in 4th grade now, and every Wednesday, he now buys me a Dr. Pepper. He uses his allowance." I envision her smile, my smile.

"This one's a bit camaflouged," I say to younger. Brown squirrel against brown dirt and nearby leaves. "You have to really be looking to see it."

Sometimes it seems we have to wait, and sometimes it seems we have to search.

But we are loved.

Love doesn't always come in a heart-shaped box.

We love because He first loved us—1 John 4:19♥

---

What tips do you have for giving and receiving? How have you been loved recently in a not-so-heart-shaped-box way? 

A Return to Family Devotion

I inch the door open. Two teeners are playing. I'm so happy to see them playing, taking life by the reins. Like they used to. When did life get so serious? 

One's perched on the other's back, having turned into some type of cowgirl. The other's on all fours, and somehow I'm waiting for a "neigh" to bellow out of her mouth. Instead, all contagious laughs, giggles, smiles.

"What?" I nearly fall over laughing.

They jump up, place sweet hands in mine.

It's bedtime.

"Do y'all want to start reading together through the New-Testament-in-a-year?" I ask the girls, switching gears and interrupting their Lone Ranger and Silver moment. But it's been weighing heavily on my heart. 

Both nod so eagerly.

Whew! Because I'm going on fumes right now.

And I need to get at least one weight off my heart. Taking something off my shoulders would be nice, too.

We always did pretty good at family devotions when the girls were small. But things shifted somehow. I tried to get them started on Bible Gateway, helping them establish their own routine. No more "we" but God in thee. That went good for a while, but like with all things, discipline tiptoes out the door, and we're left crumpled on the floor. And that's a complete disservice to my girls.

I need jumper cables. Um, okay ... spurs kicking into my sides.

Because when serious sickness enters your home, even teens can only go on fumes for so long. Anxiety hugs the heart, pinching in the night, demanding conversation.

And one daughter wraps her arms around me. My teetertotter emotions .... "I understand, Mama. Shh. It's okay." I adore her motherly way. What gave it away? Hands that I used to hold everywhere—once so tiny with tiny nails that I used to clip with the baby clippers—soothed over my face, wiping away the moisture. Tight hugs. My other daughter gifts me with one, too.

Life has been so busy. Where has my time with them gone?

Is it okay for a mama to admit she's scared? She's scared of the present, the past, the future. She's scared of every day she tried to make it on her own and failed miserably. She's terrified of the scars etched into her heart from days without holding her Savior's hand. She's scared of every reminder, every memory. She wishes for white-out, do-overs, the delete key for her heart. 

What does she yearn for more than anything for her girls? A clean piece of paper, a clean heart. One prepped and ready to type God's beautiful future, beautiful present on their hearts, to accompany their beautiful pasts.

But we can't pour out our heart's desire on that blank page what we aren't pouring in. The page will be written on, but it won't be desirous, the Godly way. It'll never sell.

And when I'm too tired, I'm reminded I'm too tired not to. I'm loading dirty dishes in the dishwaser, and I don't think I have the stamina to finish, but I will. That's my disciplined, determined self talking. And I'll collapse into that bed.

And a brush of wind swirls past me, sweet arms envelope me. "You ready to read our devotion?"

"We better do it now, while I can." Anxiety only falls away when we fall into the arms of God.

We plop down onto the floor, circle around, maybe hit the couch, maybe climb into my bed .... She takes my phone, hits the Bible Gateway App.

"The verse of the day," she says, "is Ephesians 4:2—'Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.'" She clicks on "Begin A Reading Plan" and continues right where we left off. "Matthew 20:1-16," she says. 

Verse 16 ends with, "So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

We all chuckle. "I used to say that to you when you were small all the time," I say. "I wanted you to be giving. It feels good to give." And I didn't want them to fight. But my version usually came out like—"If you want to be first, you have to be last." And that's where I might blow a raspberry, if I were that kind of mama.

fishing in the swimming pool ... caught a plastic fish each and every time

floaties in the shallow end

They laugh. Then nod.

"I remember, Mama. I say that to all my Sunday school kids," one daughter admits.

Yes. They haven't forgotten. Full circle. God is writing on their hearts. The giving has been received. Because when we give, we always receive. An honest servant is always rewarded in time. It might seem like a rough draft, but it's the real, published deal, where purchases are final. It's sitting on the heart-shelf, waiting to be taken, to be given to their friends, anyone blessed enough to receive from their hands, maybe their future kids.

We take the limited time in this life together by the reins.

A return to family devotion.

~~~

Do you have a family devotion? Have you had to take life by the reins recently? 

I Guess I'd Follow My Daughter Anywhere

"I wish he would quiet down," said someone ... I can't remember who. "Boy, that's annoying."

Ever since we let Azzie, our cat, out of the house for a few moments while we hung up the Christmas lights, he's been completely discontent. We never let the cats out much because ... this right here. The cat balks louder and louder, over and over. And not to mention the summer fleas, the many critters excluding the fleas that would eat him alive. And boy, what if he ran under the deck? 

And right now, it's cold. It's snowing. It's actually snowing (it snowed one day, a week ago ... you get the idea). A novelty in these parts of Texas. And the wind is whipping around something fierce.

My snow-girl. Her New Year's resolutions are to become well-rounded and to get in shape.

My daughter goes to her room and places on her winter gear. She puts the collar and leash on Azzie. He's really balking now. 

My daughter. I'm not surprised. She'll go the extra mile for anyone, especially those she loves. Every Sunday, during "shake-a-hand" moment, she walks all the way across the church to hug and talk to our realtor, the first person we met when we moved here and the very one to invite us to her church, our church. Yes, she ventures all the way there because she loves Ms. Frances. I love her, too, but I'm not so great at going the extra mile. I wave across the way. 

But that's my daughter. She'll walk the extra mile. She'll brave the new ice cream flavor, while I stick to the safe mint chocolate chip. But she lets me try the new. She'd give her last dime. Her last bite. Her coat. She loves the lovely and unlovely. She doesn't meet a stranger these days. My shy, quiet daughter is coming into her own God-given gifts. A friend to all. A giver.

The wind rattles the house, along with the windows.

My daughter picks up the cat, opens the front door, steps her new boots out into the snow. 

I throw on my winter gear, grab my camera because when it's all said and done, I guess I'd follow her anywhere. And I want to love like she loves. And I want to capture her love on camera. 

She sets Azzie down into the snow. He leaves a trail of paw prints.

And in no time, we're all outside.

And almost lying prostrate for a good photo, I think about the prints I'm leaving on this world, on my girls, on my friends ...

I want to leave the kind of heart-prints my daughter has left on me. I want to throw open the door, brave the wind and cold, the unknown, and step out in love ... to love. And I know if I ever step out, I'll never be content to stay inside.

What moves you to action? Others' words or actions? 

A 16-Year-Old's Guide For A Happy New Year

"Do you want to walk the trail with me?" I asked my dear friend.

"Yes!"

I wanted to hold her hand and skip down the lane. Could my heart contain the happiness inside? Or would it burst from joy? I hadn't seen my dear friend in over 20 years. We'd moved to Spokane, Washington, in my mid 20s with the air force. We bought a home in the country and immediately formed a tight bond with a farming community. My friend, a farmer's wife, welcomed me into her home, church, heart. We loved each other like sisters from the start and only had a short time together before we returned to Texas. 

She and her family came to Texas to vacation last week (I want to think I influenced her a bit), and they spent New Year's Eve with us.

We headed to the back property, released the sheep, and made our way around the trail. I couldn't take the smile off my face, the definition of happy.

"Is that a mailbox?" my friend asked. "What's that doing out here?"

It's an acceptable question that I find myself explaining to everyone. We didn't want to leave it behind, so we brought it with us when we moved. It was a truck, but it began to deteriorate over time, so we took off parts here and there, keeping the bare necessity. Now, it looks like a set of bulging yellow eyes staring at you. It's planted right across from the swing. 

"We write letters to each other ... or at least, we used to. Like love notes. Now, it mostly holds used popsicle sticks, spider webs."

The red flag stood tall. My husband pulled the handle down, revealing mail. Mail? Mail!

Three letters. One was addressed to: Mom (that's me)

I opened it ... from my Katelyn. 

I teared up a tiny bit. I read it out loud to my friend, unable to share it fast enough. It was just one of those proud mama moments ... raw, tender ... for someone else to see the love your child really does have for you as a parent. Three paragraphs, three points, that pave the way for my 2017. And I'll be glad to loan them to you, too. 

1. Apologize

To Mom:

I love you, Mom. Sorry for acting horrible when you guys want to watch something. I don't know what's got me agitated recently ...

2. Encourage

Mom, you need to keep writing. You are great at that (and everything else. You are the best mother someone could ask for). I love all the books you write.

3. Love

You are the best thing anyone could ask for. Keep doing what you're doing. I love you so, so much.

--Katelyn

That's my Katelyn. She doesn't like watching TV much, she reads everything I write, and when she loves, she really loves. 

I gave her a big hug when I got inside. "Katelyn, I loved my letter. When did you write it?"

"Six weeks ago." She chuckled. "I thought you'd never find it."

It took me six weeks to discover her love, her voice, her heart ... 

That's not acceptable. But what beautiful timing. God-timing. 

Father, take me down your path ... the path ... for me ... for this 2017. Let me apologize more, encourage more, and love more. Keep my eyes open. Don't let me miss opportunities. Don't let me deteriorate. Father ... 

I want to go where you go.

Karalee (kid lover), me (Word lover), and Katelyn (animal lover) from earlier in the year

And y'all, life has been so crazy that I wasn't sure I'd get a blog post written. I'd cherish your continued prayers for a close family member. And ... Katelyn gave me her permission to use the letter. *Grin*

What other ingredients can you add for a happy new year?

When A Broken Heart Yearns For A Break

From my heart to yours this Thanksgiving—


My daughter's normal morning 3-day-a-week school routine begins.

"You awake?" I text to her from downstairs, under the covers, snug as a bug in a rug.

"Yup," she texts back.

One foot slips out from under the covers, then the other. Un-snug as a bug out of a rug. Leaning over the bathroom counter, I get partially ready for the day, make-up and hair, then I'm off to scan the living room and kitchen to see if my daughter has left any school work there that she might need for the day. I grab a bottled water out of the garage fridge and a granola bar from the pantry for her.

My heart yearns for her success.

The door to her stairs/bedroom billows open and the rush begins. I open the garage door, hug and kiss her goodbye, shoving the water and granola bar into her backpack. She backs the car out, careful not to hit a tree. I wave goodbye and blow kisses to her ... she stalls the car to wave and return my kisses. We realize it's our last gaze at each other. 

That little black car zooms off down our driveway, kicking up leaves, beginning that 35-minute commute by busy, 18-wheeler interstate.

And I pray, like every day—Lord, watch over her, protect her, get her home to me.

My heart yearns for her safety.

But this particular day, after some 5 minutes have passed, my phone buzzes with a call. It's her.

"Hey."

"Hey, Mom." Her tone is urgent. "I left my driver's license in your car. I'll be home in two minutes. Will you get it for me?"

I run out to the car. There it is. I open the garage again.

My mind starts going wild. Will she be late for school now? Will she drive too fast to get there on time? She's almost home ... she said 2 minutes. I'll save her time.

My heart yearns for every good and perfect thing for her.

With barely a moment's thought, I take off down my long, wet driveway, barefoot, in my pajamas. I'll meet here there at the end of the road. Lord, please don't let me step on a stick or an acorn. As I near the end, I see her car between trees. 

She pulls into the driveway. She sees me running. Her expression? Priceless.

My heart yearns to make her smile.

"I can't back out, Mom."

"Yes, you can. I'll help you." I walk out into the middle of our county road in my pajamas, guiding her, motioning to her which way to turn her wheels. She does it. I knew she could do it. 

My heart yearns for her to be confident.

She zooms off again. My prayer goes up once again.

At the end of the day, she barrels through the door, crying. Wrapping her arms around me, she spills her precious heart. She barely missed being in an auto accident. I sink in despair over the details her precious eyes witnessed. My fractured heart looks heavenward, and my prayer shoots up—thank you, Lord, for bringing her home to me.

My heart yearns for peace. 

For her. For me.

Every week, I hear her near misses or what she's witnessed on the road. My heart can barely take it. 

My right eyelid's been flickering like a fluorescent light for days now.

It's all worry, y'all.

My daughter's first semester of college has been the hardest change for me. If there is one downside to homeschooling that I've discovered, it's that a mama's heart is too sheltered. It's the mama's heart that's cause for concern. And the heart stays invested regardless of your child's age.

But she loves it. She loves every single thing about it—the school, her classes, the commute, time in her car, lunch out with friends—which is all that matters. And I'm so thankful. 

But this mama thought she knew how to lean on God. This mama's heart is learning to lean, lean on my Savior, more and more. 

After Thanksgiving, my daughter will only have about two weeks left of school, before she has a month break. I'm so grateful because—

My broken heart yearns for a break. 

What has you concerned lately? And can you imagine our Father's love over us?

~~~~

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all. And many thanks to all who entered the magazine subscription giveaway from the last post. Thank you for playing. I'm blowing kisses your way. I cherish you. 

And the winners are ...

Cindy Hasko and Norma Brumbaugh Wieland

Woohoo! I pray you are blessed by the magazine all year long.

Struggling With More and The One Safe Addiction

Standing over the kitchen sink, I run cleansing water over the dirty dishes. My daughter brings more porcelain to be cleaned. Lipstick smeared glasses, greasy pans. More and more. Cleaning the dirty. Will it ever end? 

My daughter's sweet hand scrapes across the dish. I envision her tiny hands, like the cherished day was just yesterday. Chubby thumbs pressed determinedly to all four tiny fingers, fingertips on hands bumping together repeatedly, requesting more. Quiet souls needing more and letting it be known. Teaching my girls that sweet sign language word had to be the smartest thing I ever did. I wish I could take credit, but I'll forever love that wise friend. 

Sitting at a table full of children who were crying and screaming to receive something desired, my daughter would look around at the chaos and quietly and gently press her tiny gathered fingers together, signaling "more" ... more Cheerios, more apple juice, more.

Her tender, quiet spirit blessed my heart.

O Soul, you've always had a problem with more. You know you have. An uncontrolled chuckle spurts out. Undeniable. "Give her an inch, and she'll take a mile." Guilty.

I could never stop at planting one flower. Nope. I'll know every flower name. I no longer put my hands down to work a garden.

One framed cross-stitch led to a house full. They've all been dismantled and rest in my closet.

I could never stop at one cookie. I just can't keep them in the house.

I can't stop with one Pringle. I'll snack on them all day.

I could never stop at using one coupon. My whole family thanks me for giving up that venture.

I could never stop making Mickey Mouse pancakes. When a desire for pancakes was revealed, I made pancakes every day until I was begged to stop.

I could never stop with taking one picture. Don't place the camera in my hands, please.

I could never stop with one trip to Disney World. The girls have been every year since they were six and eight.

I could never stop at writing. One blog post led to three manuscripts down, and one in the works.

If I find a song I love, I will play it over and over.

O Soul, you know how to drive something in the ground. Don't you? You know how to make everyone around you cry for relief. 

I rinse off a dish and place it in the dishwasher. A smile spreads over my face, thinking over my secret new mission—being accepted on the launch team for Beth Moore's new Bible study, Entrusted. 

O Soul, you found the one thing that you can never tire of—studying God's Word. You can never have too much. You can never study too much. You can never have more than enough. 

The one who breathed life into you can't be run into the ground.

At only 29, my first Beth Moore study gave me a deep love to study and soak in God's truths. God's truths are life for me, teaching me that I can survive in this world, that I'm okay. She made God's Word come alive for me. I saw a lady who genuinely loved God so much, that I said to myself—

I want to love God that much. 

My daughter's precious 16-year-old hand passes the last dish to wash. More. Father, let her see more of you in me. Let her see something that she can't get enough of. Let this walk with you, as weak as it often is, be just enough to cause her to want more and more of you.

Father, thank you for entrusting my daughter in my hands. I've gotten so much wrong. But you are my right. My right for more. I keep bringing you more and more, the dirt in my life is endless. And you never tire of me. You keep cleansing me and making me new.

In the midst of this world's chaos, with all the outcries and screams, you have taken us to the banquet hall. Your love over us is breath-taking. 

Father, be our desire, the very thing we desperately need. Our one stronghold. Our greatest love. Be our addiction, the one thing we quietly cry for in the secret room of our heart. Be our cry for relief. Be our ever-waking desire, our first and last thought of the day. The thing we can't outdo. The thing we can't overdo. 

Father, be our more. Our cleansing more.