I had to let go.
After spending the prior year protecting that little one - only thirteen months old - from bumps and bruises, releasing her into surgery was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
But time was short. The kidney tumor was growing rapidly. In two weeks, it was already softball size. It had to be removed.
My heart ached in that waiting room. My stomach ached. When her name was called, I had to take that journey with her to prepare for surgery.
Back in the holding room, she was given a medication to make her sleepy. And I rocked her trusting baby self, stroking her precious baby hair.
In time, a young woman, spotted through the door window, began walking down the long corridor toward us. Inhale. Exhale. She opened the door, ready to take our baby girl. I placed her into a stranger's arms.
Would they hold her secure? Would they treat her with tender care?
Praying over the doctor's hands, I begged God to guide them.
I took that trek, empty handed, back into the waiting room with my family.
I had no choice.
She was a fragile life ... held in God's hands.
We are a fragile life ... held in God's hands.
Often, we must wrestle to realize - God is the only One worthy of holding too tightly. He's the only One who will never leave. He's the only One who can never be taken away. He's the only One we just can't shake.
And ... He's the only One who faithfully holds us.
Choose Him.
The only One.
He will hold secure. He will treat with care.
We can trust our fragile life in God's agile hands.
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” - Genesis 32:26
This hit home, because the other day I hit a 'fragile' moment.
ReplyDeletePain under the right side of my ribcage ramped up quickly, well past anything I had ever experienced.
It was interesting. I couldn't breathe, and a part of me distanced myself from the pain, waiting to "see how much the dude could take".
"Is the dude going to die?"
Well, he didn't, but it was terrifying in that I can see that death fro this affliction may be far worse than bad. I've been shot, stabbed, blown up, set afire, and burned with acid, but any of those would be preferable.
Was God there? Yes, I think so, but I didn't see or feel Him. Perhaps He was there in the displacement?
http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2014/07/death-of-spouse.html
Andrew, I've been praying for you. I'm trusting God to pull you through this. And God continues to use you. If you get a chance, read my blog post a few back, All for Love.
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